Hey, please be alarmed that this post will contain random things and some of them will be so cliche that you probably will skip a paragraph or five. Well, I made this blog as a place to express my feelings, because apparently I can't do that in another type of place. See, cliche right? Anyway, it's been 4 days since my arrival at Malang and if I'm being honest I've never felt so out of place before.
So it was morning flight, I woke up at 4.30 AM because it's the first time for me to be on a flight alone, and surprisingly I felt nothing but excitement. My mother made me a spaghetti to eat while I'm waiting for the plane and then I took a bath and everything happened as it was supposed to be, but when I was on the plane, the weather was really bad, the plane shook as if it was going to fall right then and there and the seat-belt light was on, and I freaked out so much that I keep repeatedly saying prayer and in that moment I thought that when all of this was over- if all of this was over, I'd be living my life more grateful, I would try my best in everything, and never for once take things for granted like I used to do in my past year.
Well, here I am live to tell the story, but what I've realized from this experience was I actually have been through worse than this, when I went to Bali with my Mom the weather was much worse than it was that day. yet, there I was nearly cried and had my heart jumped out of its place, the reason was simple. It was that tight grip that made the difference the tight grip from my Mom and her praying sound that makes me feel safe.
Fast forward to when I arrived at my dorm room I cried so hard, it was because this little message I got from my grandmother, it was so simple actually, she was asking if I arrived safely in Malang and of course I said yes, and she said "Syukur deh embah jadi ayem" as soon as I read that sentence, tears started to roll down from my eyes. In fact, I couldn't stop crying that day so I decided to go to the supermarket to calm myself and it worked.
It's really weird, when I first got to Malang in semester 1 I wasn't really that homesick, In fact I had never been homesick in that time, but now I feel like every single day I wish time will go faster so I can go back to my parents, but then I realized I have so many responsibility. If I spent my college days just waiting for it to be over I think I'm just wasting my parents money and my time of course. I'm just so pressured by everything right now. I feel like I have to do so many things at once.
