Uncertainity

If you were to choose a color that would best describe your feeling after I told your my life story, it would probably grey. Because it was confusing, full of unfinished business and maybe sometimes it would change into red, when that sudden excitement came out of no where only to replace by another gloomy color that is  that shade of blackish brown, because again I will start to wonder where did all of this excitement come from and whether something or someone will take it away from me with just a snap of his hand.

So, last weekend, I get to experience this so called conference thingy that is being held by the organization that I recently joined which is AIESEC, not to name drop but yeah name dropping has become my favorite hobby these days, maybe to make my name more visible. Anyway, I joined this organization because I haven't joined any organization in university, and I was such a kupu-kupu student where basically all I do is just go to class and then go home. I was so freaking bored with that routine that I became a little bit depressed? Seriously, I'm not even exaggerating because there was a point in my college life where all I do is just sitting there and wonder if I'm just going to live like this for the rest of my college years.

See guys, the thing is I'm not a really good story teller, I wanted to tell you about my conference experience but I ended up telling you about my life before that. So umm, maybe I'll tell you about my conference experience in the next post? hehe I'm sorry, GOD, BAD IMPRESSION ALREADY NURINA? But this is my blog anyway, and the only person whos going to spend their time reading this is probably me and maybe some google bots. So hey google bots, glad you could spare ur time and creepin on my private information, or umm im sorry is that on your job description?

Anyway, in my first year of college basically all I do is being scared, I'm scared to do anything, I wanted to join organization but I'm scared that I'll get rejected and yeah that feeling didn't come out of no where really, I wanted to join this committee thingy which is specifically aim for freshmen but I got rejected, and it made me feel so insecure and unsure about my skills. So I got a little traumatic whenever I heard the word "Screening" because yeah it reminded me of the dark times that is when I got rejected which is not a dark time at all when you think about it. So I ended up spending my first year of college sending out my application letter to a lot of organization but never urge myself to come to the screening phase.I sent it to my himpunan and didnt come to the screening process, I sent it to the BEM and didnt come to the screening process.

At that time my friend already joined organization or at least UKM, which I already joined which is FORMASI, but I never came to the gathering and what not, so when people asked me if I joined anything, I just told them that I joined FORMASI but I spare that little details that I never actually go to any of their agenda. All my friends was busy doing this, and that with their organization and I was just the girl that sometimes get good grades and what not, I wasnt very social person either, maybe my classmates think that I'm this arrogant bitch who doesnt wanna share, but in real life I'm just a very introverted and reserved person. but hey its not who you are underneath, its what you do that defines you.

Until the announcement for the recruitment for the three big events in FILKOM come and I was very anxious, my pre screening syndrome come again and I was battling my own self whether I wanted to join this committee or not, it was the last day of screening and my friend Ghinaa (Ily ghinaa) line'd me and asked me to join one of these three big events so this urge of braveness raved through me maybe because I came to the screening process with her, so I have a little bit of moral support and yaaaaassss as per usual, It wasnt going swimingly well, as I've never been good at doing unrehearsed conversation buuuuuuuuuuuuuut I got accepted as kestari which is like the one who take care the administration files for the upcoming freshmen 2017. At that times I was very happy, because its my first time ever joining a quite big committee in college and  yeah, even though I have to end my holiday early to take care of this committee.

This committe was quite and experience for me, I met a lot of new people with different characteristic, though I'm still struggling to find a way to work with those people but I learned so many things. I learned how to organize things, and a little bit of leadership skill (?) when I was asked to be the person in charge for one of the sub events, sometimes I still got carried away by my emotion and I know I shouldnt do that. I wish to be more of a solution oriented person. To be honest, maybe I havent really absorbed everything I should, because I feel like its not really fulfilling experience and I feel like I dont really have to think to do the job that I was asked to do, it was more of a physical thing where I have to print out all of the administration files (WHICH IS REALLY ENVIRONMENTALLY UNFRIENDLY) and even other guys in there told us that we're basically just a "tukang fotocopy dan print" well I know they were joking, but hey. Maybe in the next event I should be more involved and suggest things and you know be more present and not just be a yes men and actually use my voice to make a better environment for everyone???

ANYWAY, yeah I ended up telling a story about my welcoming maba committee experience, well byeeeeee. (I HAVE AN EXAM TOMORROW)